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People I know are hurting right now. Is it fair to write about them from my point of view, which is (by definition and by default) from the outside? My experience is one of mere proximity and helpless frustration. They're the ones going through hell. Is it selfish to write about them simply because I witness what they go through?

This is what keeps me from writing much lately. Anywhere, not just here. I'm too busy thinking about whether I have a right to write. But I have been able to carry on casual conversations about baseball, football, tennis--the beauty of sports is that the stories they tell are about us and our desires, but in an idealized, remote form. There is more beauty there, in Andy Roddick's serve, in the upset by the underdog, in the desperate heroics of a pennant race, in a ball curving foul, tumbling just inside the goal post, barely skimming the sideline, dropping, flying, spinning--

Easy.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
goingferal
Sep. 9th, 2003 02:47 am (UTC)
If people you care about are hurting, then you are hurting too.

I think it's wrong to write about other's hurt if it hurts them for you to do so. But sometimes it helps to see one's own situations through another's eyes--it can validate one's feelings and help one to process and understand what is going on.
sixen
Sep. 9th, 2003 10:43 pm (UTC)
{{{{Lauri}}}}

Its hard when you see people hurting not to say anything. Sometimes it helps to write about it. I think the problem can be the medium. How private is the person? How private the thoughts? The nice thing about these bloggies and the forums are that we have the opportunity to bounce ideas off of people who aren't as involved in our day to day lives. It got more complicated over time though as everyone got to know each other better and people started having relationships off line and it became possible for people we talked about to find the comments we had made in private.

I think if you need a private place to write about something... to work it out... that it is your right to write. If its going to hurt somebody to have the writing public, then I think you have to choose the medium.

I don't think its any different than when you discuss a friend's problems with another friend. Its the motivation for doing it and discretion is what matters.
lauri8
Sep. 10th, 2003 03:45 am (UTC)
Thanks, Sixen. In this case, it's not that what I write would violate any privacy or hurt anyone--it's that I feel as though I would be trivializing someone else's life by describing it in terms of my perceptions.

I know that's the only way of communication we have...I think I'm working myself into knots over it because that's easier to do than do nothing and watch people I love suffer.

Bleah! But I love your wedding dress. And thank you again.
lauri8
Sep. 10th, 2003 03:49 am (UTC)
I agree with you in my rational mind, Xbelle. It's my emotional mind that's getting in the way!

I appreciate it, though. I've reversed direction on this several times today. As I sit at work and think about it, I feel as though I have to write something down, if only to bear some sort of witness. But. But but but.

Thank you. You're aces.
cleotyne
Sep. 10th, 2003 04:36 am (UTC)
Lauri, I think if you need to write about it here then you should. That's what the padlock is for, so you know and can control who is seeing your entries. You can also make it for your eyes only, or whatever that eyeball choice is called.

In any case, I think it's important to process your own feelings about what other people are going through, whether you choose to do it here or not.

Like Sixen says, it's not much different than doing it over coffee.

Would you be having this dilemma if they were happy and you were sharing good news and how it made you feel (even if it were a "negative" emotion like jealousy or something)?

Why is pain so private? I'm not really asking for an answer, I mean I feel the same way myself, "people don't want to know negative things, keep it to yourself" blah blah blah.

I don't know. Also please note that I'm tired and just typing random thoughts, so this isn't well thought-out (wow cleo thanks for sharing it then!) and whatever you choose to do is fine. BRACKETS!
cleotyne
Sep. 10th, 2003 04:40 am (UTC)
Now I think I didn't even make sense - I mean I know it's other people's pain you feel reluctant to share, but really what you're sharing is your reaction to it and so it's not really theirs anymore, if that makes sense. Also I know you as a fair and empathetic person, for whatever that's worth, and think the entries would reflect that. If you write about it.

ANYWAY!
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )