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Hmm, which stage are we in? It's hard to pin down. Was denial the past two years, or have we not even had it yet? No, I think we've had it. Mom seems to be in a state of gentle resignation---not hopelessness, just practicality (of a type--she'll never have quite the same take on reality). She may even be taking acceptance a little too far. She insists upon describing her condition as "terminal, irreversible, and progressive." I tell her that's technically true, but that doesn't mean she won't be here for another 10 years.

At least she seems to be past beating herself up for this. She sounded good today. She's even going to let the church ladies come over some time this week and clean the house for her. Being on the supplemental oxygen has definitely helped with the anxiety.

Aunt Pam called last night in a panic. So we talked, and she eventually dropped her idea of kidnapping mom and forcing her to come live with her and "rest." The conversation ended up in the place it should have, with Aunt Pam saying the thing at the heart of the matter--"I just want to do something. I love her so much; I don't want to lose her." As each person finds out, they'll have their own surge of fear and despair. Then it gets better.

I've promised to let Amy and Dad and Cindy know what's going on, and I need to make those calls, but the thought of it exhausts me. Not because of them; just because this has become the fulcrum of my life while I try not to neglect everything else. Which I already have. Crfap, all these emails I haven't returned. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
mckennl
Mar. 14th, 2004 11:45 am (UTC)
Lauri, delegate, delegate, delegate. If you can call one of those three people and ask them to call the other two, do it. The first one you call will tell you that they want to help and ask what they can do and you can say, "Well, can you call [dad, cindy] and let them know? I'm about burnt out on telling the story."
goingferal
Mar. 15th, 2004 05:56 am (UTC)
Oh, Lauri....

::hugs::
sixen
Mar. 19th, 2004 06:28 am (UTC)
{{{Lauri}}}
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )