Jesus, when you post something like this you really start worrying about the privacy settings on this thing! I've been logging out and checking and logging in then logging back out and double-checking. . . .
Two days later: After I posted this (and the previous entry), I was uneasy for several hours. Eventually I was so antsy that I made the entries private so no one could see them. I didn't delete them, though--I guess that's an improvement. I've been reading back over them and hating, absolutely hating, the way I write and the arch self-consciousness of it all. Well, too bad. I decided to make them public again just to try to demonstrate to myself that it doesn't MATTER if I write or how I write. The world's not going to end if I expose myself a little. (Unless I walked naked down a public street, in which case the world would most definitely end.) Maybe for the New Year I could find a way to stop making myself the center of the universe. Although, everyone is and has to be the center of their own universe--our self is the only way we have to connect to the rest of the world, no matter how transcendant or unselfish the intention may be. Our self is the sole translator of our experience. So by "stop being the center of the universe" I really mean to let go of the fear that keeps my little universe from colliding with all the other little universes out there. What does one call a collection of universes? Maybe "galaxy" would have been a better word to use.
Another resolution: Stop over-analyzing.
Okay, another resolution: Stop being so self-deprecating.
Oh christ, it's ennnndlesssssssss . . . ! But this reminds me of one of my favorite resolutions I ever saw another person make. My quirky, steel magnolia of a cousin once wrote me at Christmas and stated with unshakeable firmness that one of her resolutions was to learn to drink her coffee black. I should get in touch with her and find out if she did.
And Shirley Chisholm, I think you were grand. I hope there will be many more like you.