Thursday's Child (lauri8) wrote,
Thursday's Child

  • Mood:
Time will reveal everything. It is a babbler, and speaks even when not asked.


There's a girl* who is irritating the hell out of me. I don't know her well, but I suspect her of an intentional act of petty sabotage that snowballed into a true unhappiness for me. Even if she didn't mean to do it, it was awfully (conveniently?) thoughtless.

But beyond that, she bothers me by sheer dint of her self-absorbtion. Everything she says is so clearly for an audience. She gets openly miffed when she feels that not enough people are interested in her. Her favorite topic is how "awesome" her life is (read: "how awesome I am"). Not how awesome life itself is--there's a difference. No, how awesome life is with her in it. In the short time I spent with her, it was pretty clear that her attention wandered whenever the spotlight wasn't on her. Her boyfriend worships her satisfactorily enough, so she's focused entirely on him for the time being. Maybe it's unfair to think this, but that's so...shallow. When everyone ceases to exist except for how they feel in relation to you, it's clear where your interests lie; within the narrow confines of your self-esteem. Maybe that's normal, but I think I know plenty of people who care about others whether they massage their egos or not.

So, realizing that my antipathy is more a sign of problems I have than any problem she has, and realizing that I may be completely misjudging her, thus demonstrating the state of my own self-esteem, I am detaching myself for a while from anything that involves her company. I hate feeling this surge of irritation whenever our paths cross. I hate it in myself, that is. Until I figure out how to better deal with it, I'm going to take the coward's way out and run away. If I can't figure out how to deal, I'm screwed, yeah?

* If anybody is wondering, it's NOT YOU! :)

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